Years ago, when I first received my driving licence or maybe in between attempts at obtaining that driving licence, I had taken Dad's car out for a drive and was returning to the carpark, which at that time at the entrance/exit, featured these, for want of a better word, kerbstones, which were huge so that they stuck upwards from the kerb line. I had taken an acute turn into the carpark and the side of the door scrapped against the stone. It wasn't a gentle scrape either, there was the sound of stone grating on metal. I quickly parked the car, went over to the passenger seat and my heart dropped. There was one heck of a awful scar along the side of the door.
In that short space of time from the carpark up to the house, I must have run through a million ways to explain the scrape but in the end settled for the truth. To cut a long story short, I went back expecting to be yelled at for the rest of my life. The response I received shocked me and has guided me till this day in how I deal with my own kids. After, checking to make sure I was ok, all Dad offered was that the car was just a material object, all that mattered was that I was safe. The lesson really stuck with me and I've been forever thankful.
All my life, I was never really comfortable with hiding the truth. Hence it hasn't been easy the last few weeks.
Last week, Dad was finally informed of our decision to migrate (not that it's confirmed yet) but I thought it better that it didn't appear as a bolt out of the blue. I think he took it pretty well. I have my doubts how well but he appeared supportive. Is this an example of a parents' love? I certainly think so.
Next up was to let my sister know but during the weekend when we met up for our family dinner, it appeared Dad had already told her and some other family members! I had been planning to keep the circle small so if the move fell through, no big deal. Ah well. Anyway Sis took it well too. Now that both of them were told (I have a small family) and I was truly faced with the prospect of leaving them, leaving Singapore, the twinges in the heart started getting stronger. Dad's not young and I'd be basically leaving Sis to hold the fort. It doesn't matter how I rationalize the move, in my heart, I'm abandoning them. Don't really care what other people say about our move to Australia but this is a conversation I need to have with myself, in greater detail.
On the other side, Jas is getting really worried about what she's going to say to Mother. She's going to wait till the skills assessment is done before deciding when to tell. Personally, I'm worried too. Mother's looked after S and D since they were young. It will not be an easy goodbye.
One day, when S and D are old enough and they look me in the eyes and say "Dad, we want to migrate". How would I react? Would my heart break while smiling and encouraging them? I would like to think so but truthfully, I don't know. I don't. Were these the thoughts in Dad's mind as I told him? I don't know that either but thank you Dad.
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