Reflection

We were heading back home after dinner with Dad.

J and S were walking a little ahead.
Leaving my son, D and I walking just a tad behind.
We were holding hands and I think we looked up at the same time and noticed our reflections in our neighbour's windows.

He commented, "Look Daddy, you are so much bigger than me".

I remembered replying offhandedly that one day he would be bigger than me.

That night though when they were tucked in and asleep, that's when the fears kicked in again.

What if the day that he would be taller than me never came about?

What if moving to Australia was the wrong choice?
What if one day, I'd look back and with hindsight identify this as the moment I should've stepped back?

I suppose the events at Mt. Kinabalu have emphasized the point and in no small part led my mind wandering down those paths.

We speak of so many things in our daily lives, talking about the future as if we'd definitely be there to see it.

It is so simple a thing - to want to watch your children grow.

I want to be there to see that happen.

I better be there to see it.
The moment bad better be there to be seen.

I have seldom been terrified for myself.
But.
It is terrifying sometimes to be a parent.